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Trump calls for ban on electricity entering the US
Thoughtful: moments after the static left his hair looking like this, Trump hatches his plan for containment and annihilation Donald Trump has called for a national ban on electricity today, after...
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Jakarta attacks spoiling focus on Rickman’s death and ’69 club’ speculation
“No one’s saying it’s not sad, but seriously, what the actual fuck is wrong with people?” The deaths of some Indonesian people are taking up valuable news space which could better be used to lament the...
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Death to have February off
Deserved: he has been a very busy boy after all The Grim reaper has announced that he is going to have a quiet month, having worked extra hard culling some big names in January. Death said “Having...
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Top Gear presenters revealed!
Brrrrm brrrrrm goes fast; make all little boys excited The full line-up of Top Gear presenters has finally been revealed, and TMB brings you the lowdown on all of them: John Maynard Keynes: Keynes is a...
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30-somethings shocked after Friends’ cast reunion is crap
Yeah, but who gives a fuck anymore? The TV reunion of most of the cast of Friends (apart from the one who couldn’t be bothered to turn up) was not the best thing ever, admitted disappointed fans today....
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Trump finally sets out demands to negotiators
After a tense standoff that has last more than a year, Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has finally contacted police negotiators with a list of demands. “People have asked me, ‘Is your penis really...
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Harry Styles holds aloft scalp of vanquished foe
yes, but who did he kill? One Direction band member Harry Styles has posted a photo showing him holding a bundle of hair, attached to which is a blood-dripping human scalp. The singer’s post has been...
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Len Goodman confirms futility of celebrity existence
“Dance! Dance for me you pointless little mayflies! Your end cannot come soon enough! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman has said he “Really couldn’t give a toss about any of the...
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Allen highlights oppression of rich white actors
Oppressed Appearing on James Kimmel’s Late Night In-Depth Discussion Programme last week, 20th Century historian and ‘comedy’ ‘actor’* Tim Allen announced the upcoming publication of his new book about...
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Martin Landau surprisingly reanimated
After being saddened by his death, the world of Hollywood was this week stunned by renowned actor Martin Landau apparently coming back to life. Landau earlier today “It obviously wasn’t the uncommon...
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